My 2018: Light, a mis-step,and a reflection

Let’s talk about the new year. For some, it’s a time to make resolutions, look back at the highlights of the year, but also for some, it’s reflecting on the hardest of hardships and things that left the air feeling insurmountably thin at times.

2018, you’ve been so full of joy but also a lot of heaviness..but most of all, you’ve taught me a few things I thought I’d share here.

When you have the opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you (as in the wise words of a certain shoe brand), don’t hesitate, just DO IT.

Especially when it feels inconvenient or effortful to do so. 2018 tested me a lot through the relationships in my life, stretching them thin and wide, throwing me into situations where my instinctively impatient and stubborn self wanted to take full reign, but instead, I had to learn to intentionally choose love over my own pride and frustration and being okay with not always getting in the last word.

When I look back at my year in 2018, the moments that hold the most clarity in my heart are not the ones where I was busy worrying about my own matters and selfish motivations, carrying out my day the way I had planned, but rather those small moments of spending time with the people in my life, involving no grand gestures, giving of gifts and that of the sort, but simply by just going through life together and letting them know how much they are loved.

Processed with Rookie Cam

Life is a constant process of becoming.

While 2018 has been such a soul-filling year, I can’t tell you how many moments there were this past year where I would spontaneously panic out of fear that I wasn’t at a specific place I had wanted to be at or didn’t reach certain goals or achievements yet. 23 fresh out of graduation seemed to me to be an age where you’re thrust into “adulthood” and the expectations that come with it, yet still having the luxury to be somewhat dependent on other factors to get you by and as a result, left me with a feeling of confusion and unexplained sadness.

The realization of not having everything figured out hit me loud & hard and brought out a lot of self-doubt, but something I’ve come to learn (and am still learning), is that there will never be that “aha” moment in your life where your plans are crystal clear, you’ve reached every goal you desired, and are completely satisfied with the person you are.

There will always be another way to challenge yourself and your surroundings, another circumstance that knocks you off your feet and forces you to reroute, new goals which form as life happens and shifts, greater joys to be experienced, and some brokenness that will need healing. Every new day is a day to be a better person than you were yesterday and each new hardship continually refining and shaping you into the person you are becoming.

Wishing everyone a happy and safe new year in 2019!

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